Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Psalm 105:1-6
1Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name;
    make known his deeds among the peoples!
2Sing to him, sing praises to him;
    tell of all his wondrous works!
3Glory in his holy name;
   let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!
4Seek the LORD and his strength;
  seek his presence continually!
5Remember the wondrous works that he has done,
   his miracles, and the judgments he uttered,
6O offspring of Abraham, his servant,
   children of Jacob, his chosen ones!

There are times in this Christ walk when I wonder where He is.  Why all the testing?  Why all the struggle?  I have recently come out of a time where I just felt so overwhelmed with the weight and struggles of life.  I felt hopeless and tired.  I felt frustrated with God, wondering where He was.  I would cry out to Him and things would only get worse.  I even wrote in my journal one day and said, "God, I don't feel like we are walking out of this pit, I feel like we are walking deeper in!"  I got to a point that I began getting so discouraged and didn't even want to read the Word.  I didn't feel like praying anymore.  I was just irritated and tired.  "Am I sinning against You?!  Where are you?!  Why all this struggle?!  
Please God!  Help us!  Please God!  Answer us!" 
This went on for some time.  Every once in a while, I would hear or see Him move for us, but then things would again go mute.
Then one night, I was in bed very tired,  and God began nudging my spirit to get out of bed and go into my prayer place.  I resisted a little as I had gotten to a place where I felt like my prayers would hit a brick wall.  But He just kept nudging my spirit.  Finally, I got up and just sat before Him.  Empty.  Drained.  He then began bringing to mind times in my life that I was running from Him and I was in places I could have been killed.  He protected me anyway.  Times in my life that I was under so much oppression and in so much darkness, I couldn't even think straight let alone reach my hand toward Him.  He reached for me.  Times I was pushed so far down by abuse from this world that I had no identity.  He raised me up and gave me His identity.  Times when I was limp from pain and heartache, He carried me.  Times when I was so ugly and hard and didn't care, He restored, softened and cared for me.  Times when I didn't believe in Him, He believed in me.  I was flooded with all the times I could've lost it all or myself in it all and He was there!  

Listen!  If He never does one more thing for me, if I never hear His voice again, and if I never feel His presence again, He has done enough!  He Has already done exceedingly and abundantly above all I could could ever hope or ask for.  I sit here whole because of Him.  I sit here free because of Him.  I have too much to be praising Him for to be grumbling and complaining over what I want!  I refuse to walk wondering in this desert any longer!  He rescued me from slavery!  I remember now!  He's already done enough!  He's already done enough!  Why?  Just simply out of love.  That's all.  Just because He loves me.  

Breakthrough came that night for me.  I walk in a different attitude.  I can't complain and wallow anymore.  I look around me in gratitude now.  And..I hear Him again.

Father God, help me not to forget.  Help me to walk in remembrance.    

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