Remember

Psalm 105:1-6

¹Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name;
    make known his deeds among the peoples!
²Sing to him, sing praises to him;
    tell of all his wondrous works!
³Glory in his holy name;
   let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!
⁴Seek the LORD and his strength;
  seek his presence continually!
⁵Remember the wondrous works that he has done,
   his miracles, and the judgments he uttered,
⁶O offspring of Abraham, his servant,
   children of Jacob, his chosen ones!

There are times in this Christ walk when I wonder where He is.  Why all the testing?  Why all the struggle?  I have recently come out of a time where I just felt so overwhelmed with the weight and struggles of life.  I felt hopeless and tired.  I felt frustrated with God, wondering where He was.  I would cry out to Him and things would only get worse.  I even wrote in my journal one day and said, "God, I don't feel like we are walking out of this pit, I feel like we are walking deeper in!"  I got to a point that I began getting so discouraged and didn't even want to read the Word.  I didn't feel like praying anymore.  I was just irritated and tired.  "Am I sinning against You?!  Where are you?!  Why all this struggle?!  

Please God!  Help us!  Please God!  Answer us!" 

This went on for some time.  Every once in a while, I would hear or see Him move for us, but then things would again go mute.

Then one night, I was in bed very tired,  and God began nudging my spirit to get out of bed and go into my prayer place.  I resisted a little as I had gotten to a place where I felt like my prayers would hit a brick wall.  But He just kept nudging my spirit.  Finally, I got up and just sat before Him.  Empty.  Drained.  He then began bringing to mind times in my life that I was running from Him and I was in places I could have been killed.  He protected me anyway.  Times in my life that I was under so much oppression and in so much darkness, I couldn't even think straight let alone reach my hand toward Him.  He reached for me.  Times I was pushed so far down by abuse from this world that I had no identity.  He raised me up and gave me His identity.  Times when I was limp from pain and heartache, He carried me.  Times when I was so ugly and hard and didn't care, He restored, softened and cared for me.  Times when I didn't believe in Him, He believed in me.  I was flooded with all the times I could've lost it all or myself in it all and He was there!  

Listen!  If He never does one more thing for me, if I never hear His voice again, and if I never feel His presence again, He has done enough!  He Has already done exceedingly and abundantly above all I could could ever hope or ask for.  I sit here whole because of Him.  I sit here free because of Him.  I have too much to be praising Him for to be grumbling and complaining over what I want!  I refuse to walk wondering in this desert any longer!  He rescued me from slavery!  I remember now!  He's already done enough!  He's already done enough!  Why?  Just simply out of love.  That's all.  Just because He loves me.  

Breakthrough came that night for me.  I walk in a different attitude.  I can't complain and wallow anymore.  I look around me in gratitude now.  And..I hear Him again.

Father God, help me not to forget.  Help me to walk in remembrance.