Sunday, June 26, 2011

When the Curtain Closes

Well, this is the week.  The big week.  The week that I have a double mastectomy and reconstruction.  The week that I loose a part of my body that held death, but to my babies fed life.  I have had some that tell me that it isn't a big deal to go through this, but it is coming from mouths that have never went through it.  Yes, I know I will do fine.  I am having reconstruction so I won't be dealing with having no chest at all.  I know all that.  But, no matter what, my body is forever going to be altered and it will forever remind me of the biggest fight I have ever dealt with.  It is like the closing ceremonies of the scariest, and hardest time of my life.  It is a seal being placed over that chapter in my life.  After that seal is placed, I will then turn around and embark on the healing.  The place where I get my strength back...my spiritual strength, my emotional strength, and my physical strength.  


Days will pass, then weeks, then months.  Life will carry on.  And in my timeline there will always be that dot that marks,"I fought for my life and won".  


Have I done everything you have wanted me too, Father?  Have I obeyed you?  Have I been the vessel that you could flow through, sufficiently?  Is your glory what they see?  Have I wasted any part of this?  Has my life pleased you?  Have I learned what you want?    


This is my place right now.  It is a quiet, reflective place.  I am in the last act of this play and the curtain will soon close.  Have I put all I have into this part and allowed the Director to have His way in this beautiful production?  


I can only hope.  


For He is all I really care about.

8 comments:

Megan said...

That is so touching. I can tell God has truly made you brave through your struggles. And though I don't know you personally, from what I've read, I can tell that God has been able to use you...you have been a wonderful vessel for His works. God bless you.

Brenda said...

Thank you for your honesty. I will be praying for you!!

Jen said...

Thank you. And thank you for your prayers.

Nick Sharp said...

Jen - May God go with you into the surgery, and continue you with you as you walk the sunlit paths of healing.

vicki said...

I have never witnessed a faith like yours! You are truly Set Like Flint in our Father. I love you and am continuing to pray for you!

Judy said...

Hi Jen,

I don't know you but I will be praying for your complete recovery. Thanks for stopping by my blog and for following me. May you draw strength, comfort, peace, and grace from the Heavenly Father during this time.

Blessings,
Judy

Cherie Hill said...

Jen, I came over from Lisa Buffalo's blog . . . I'm glad I did. I will be praying for you in every way. You are truly in the Lord's hands and there is no better place to be.
Blessings,
Cherie

Lisa Buffaloe said...

Checking in and praying for you. (((Jen)))