I want to apologize for the long absence. I had surgery three weeks ago today. The first week after surgery I barely remember anything, and to be honest, I didn't want to be on the computer long enough to blog.
Surgery went well. I found out that I still had small amounts of cancer left in my breast, and lymph nodes. Plus, they found more pre-cancer. All of that was taken out. Praise the Lord! They also began my reconstruction, which is in phases, and that will not be finished until maybe October. I still have a ways to go, because in addition to all of that, I found out that I will indeed have to have radiation after hearing I wouldn't.
I didn't take hearing that very well. It is a little like being on a very long and laborious journey, thinking that you only had a few more miles to go, only to discover you actually have a small state to drive through first. I was getting discouraged and very impatient. I went to the Lord. "Lord! Seriously?! I am so done with this! I am tired! I am weak! I want this over! I thought it was over, and now more?" I struggled, a lot.
We were going into meet with the radiation oncologist on Tuesday, in addition to two more doctor visits this week, so Sunday night I totally dreaded going to bed. As, I was walking up the stairs, I looked at my phone and it said someone had written on my Facebook wall. It was a verse that I hang on to, because God gave it to me directly, months before my cancer diagnosis. It is, Judges 6:12 "The Lord is with you mighty warrior." I hadn't thought of the verse in a few months and God had someone write it on my wall to remind me. The moment I read it, I suddenly felt as if Father God stood to His feet and roared a battle cry out over me, and when He did, I felt armed with the power and might of my Father! I clinched my teeth, AGAIN! My hands formed fists, AGAIN! Fire was in my eyes, AGAIN! Only because He reminded me that, not by my might, nor by my power, but by His spirit (Zech. 4:6) could I do this!
I have to tell you that sometimes I feel like I write the same stuff to you all of the time. I feel like I am taking you on the roller coaster with me. I worry about belaboring all of this, but someone out there needs to hear He is still there, and so I will continue.
Gideon was hardly a mighty warrior. He was the weakest one, in the weakest tribe of the Israelites. He was threshing wheat, when the Angel of the Lord appeared to tell him that the Lord was with him and called him "mighty warrior". God was calling him to defeat the Midianites, an army that was encamped around them. An army that was so big that the Bible says looked more than the sands of the sea. He only allowed Gideon to take 300 men to defeat them. That, he did! Gideon and his 300 men scared the enemy so bad, that the enemy turned on themselves and killed each other! God took a weak man, and defeated an enormous army! We are absolutely nothing and weak, but when the Lord is with us, we are mighty warriors! We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! (Phil. 4:13)
I believe there are those that are reading this that are like Gideon. You are going through situations that seem impossible. You are walking in an anxious, defeated spirit. You want to hide. But God is telling you that "I am with you mighty warrior! I am the fourth man in the fire! (Daniel 1-3) I am closing the mouths of the lions! (Dan. 6:1-28)"
Because of Him, you are free; because of Him, you can walk; because of Him, you can run; because of Him, you can dance over your enemy; because of Him, you are victorious! In Him, you will stand! In Him, you are restored! In Him, you live! You will overcome! You will come out of the fire and not even smell like smoke! It is not what you do! It is because of Him!
I came home from the radiation oncologist and sat down and cried my eyes out and wanted to get in bed. But the Spirit of God overwhelmed me, and I got up and went outside and started walking. I walked and cried. I didn't feel like it, but He did it through me. Yes, we are going to go through battles! Yes, they are going to be hard! Don't give up! You don't have to fake a smile. Cry if you must, but push! Push while tears are running down your face! Do it afraid! Do it grieving! Just don't give in to your flesh and hide!
Arise, believer! Arise! Cast all of your cares upon Him! Open your ears to His voice! Stop looking to the world to feed the lusts of your flesh and to soothe, and lick the wounds of your insecurities! Surrender to the Most High God and allow the power of God to flow through you to feed the hungry, restore sight to the blind, and to set captives free! I don't have time to sit around here sulking in my junk! Every person I come across, in this battle of cancer, whether it be the clerk registering me for the next test, or the doctor that I see, will continue to hear me give glory to the One who has spared me from eternal death! This will be used for His glory!
Give in to Him and then you will defeat what ever comes your way! Because HE IS WITH YOU MIGHTY WARRIOR!
Now....Radiation...Here I come!