Thursday, January 13, 2011

Update 1/12/11

Wow! I can't believe it has been eight days since I updated! I am sorry for that. I know there are some of you that have emailed me and told me that you are waiting to hear from me.

Today, I had my third chemo treatment. It went well.

I sit there and look around me at other people and see the blessings of the Lord in my life. God has covered me. He has surrounded me. I have wonderful friends and family. My heart breaks as I hear a man, in another room, upset that the doctor is fighting his mothers cancer because she forgets where she is and fights dementia. He wanted her to die naturally. But she was as sweet as could be, smiling at everyone and the treatment is working. He felt like she just needs to die. Just because she has dementia. That is just one of the terrible situations I heard today.
There are so many hurting people! My heart is so broken for them. To be honest with you, it makes me sick of me. I don't want to look at my situation any longer. I don't know if that is avoidance or I really am broken for them. I think both.

But it is there. Not as bad as others, and not as easy as others.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and prayers. I have needed them this week. If you have been reading my notes you will remember that I talked about the mountain I am walking up. I told this mountain to look behind me and get used to being behind me because it will be there. That it will be in the company of other mountains that He has helped me overcome. There are times that I wll walk hand in hand with my Healer up this mountain. There are times He will have to push my angry, resistant self up this mountain. And there are times He will have to carry this broken, humbled, and humiliated child up this mountain. This past week was that.
Does that mean that I am not believing Him? No! On the contrary, it means I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't have gotten to this mountain for one thing. Also, I would be running from this mountain if He wasn't with me!

Loves, we are weak! We are so weak! But when we trust Him..His great strength is made PERFECT in our weakness! We are going to have struggles in our lives! He never said we wouldn't! In fact He said we would. But He also said, that He would never leave us or forsake us! Praise Him for that promise!

I am a strong woman of God. I am a weak woman in me. I live abundantly because of HIM! I perish in darkness because of me. I will make it through because of His grace! I would wither in defeat because of my shame.

I am going wig shopping with my friends on Monday morning. We are making this fun. I am officially losing my hair. I am shedding like our dog. So I will find that perfect wig and will not settle for less. But not to worry..I will not be rocking the "Hannah Montana" wig.

Love you friends. I know that when I am struggling with prayer and reading of His word...Your praying on my behalf. Thank you for loving me like that. You are raising my name up before the Father. He hears you, because I feel them.


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