Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Update 1/18/11

Well, I did it.  I buzzed my head.  Yes.  Buzzed. 
My hair is falling out.
I had my third chemo treatment last Wednesday and I think it was the lethal hair falling out dose.  I had already been shedding but by Thursday night I was REALLY shedding.  So, in my "Jen" way, I just called my Tif (best friend) and said, "You wanna bring the clippers?"  So we did it.  

It was a surreal time for me.  I held it together.  I guess.  I can't give words to how I felt.  I had a lot going through my mind.  Why I was doing this.  When I was doing this.  How people would look at me.  How I would look at me.  How my sweet heart would look at me.  How my kids would look at me.  

I didn't know if I should cry, or be angry, or be strong, or laugh.  
I did all.  We all did.  
I am blessed with funny friends.  Jon-Michael, Tifs hubby/other best friend, wore my wig around while I was being buzzed and made me laugh hard!  Love them.

That night I had another precious friend give me a beautiful wig.  That helped a lot knowing that I had something to put on.  Thanks "Angie Renae".  I love you.  

I couldn't sleep that night.  I guess I just was dealing with the fact that I am here.  We have to do that.  

The one that was the hardest for me to face was my Quenton.  That man, since the day I met him, has thought that there is no one that compares to me in beauty.  (Sometimes I wonder if his eyesight was damaged as a young boy, but better for me, so I don't question it. Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do! ;) )  He has pursued me for 16 years.  He also thinks that I am more beautiful as I age.  So to look at him has been difficult for me.
That man is stopping at nothing to prove otherwise. How blessed I am.  He makes me melt.  And I apparently do the same for him.  
Quenton is very protective and very caring to me.  He is an honorable man.  He has loved me in the most beautiful, biblical way.  He attends to me like a precious gem.  He handles me with the utmost of care.  And he desires to be with me every moment.  He talks and he listens.  He cries for me and he prays for me.  I wake up in the night sometimes feeling his hand on me and hearing him praying and crying for me.  The Lord knows my husband closely and likewise, Quenton knows Him.  He works hard for our family day in a day out.  He is taking on more of my role as he does his and is doing it well.
I wanted to say all that to honor him before you.  Quenton,  God decided to write me a love story, so He gave me you. Thank you, baby.  

I went, yesterday, and found another wig.  I am now sometimes a dark blond, and sometimes a bit red.  And my insurance will cover another one, so I may be a brunette as well.  Might as well, right?!

I am starting to fall into a little bit of a pattern.  I am learning my signals of when I need to slow down and rest.  Sometimes though, out of the blue, I get real dizzy and feel very faint.  Yesterday, I was in Wal-Mart with Tif, and I was feeling fine when all of a sudden things started spinning and I thought a few times I was going down.  Then, when I would start to feel better, it would start all over again.
Tif had to drive me home.  Hilarity is when you get into your vehicle the next day and feel like you're having to fold yourself up to get in, because your best friend, who is about 9 inches shorter, drove it last!
 We crack me up!  

I was diagnosed with cancer on December 14th, 2010.  It was a Tuesday.  Life changed forever at that moment.  It was a paradigm shift for me.  I have found that it has been the defining moment for me.  This is the beginning of what I have been born to do.  As I can see it, at least.  
God has been lining me up for this.  Just as He had the world for Jesus.  Just as He had Jesus for the world. 
We all have something we were born to do.  Sometimes the road is lined with what others would consider easy.  Sometimes it is lined with what others see as hard.  But in any case, God has a plan, and if we surrender to that plan, the results of that defining moment, will forever set the course of your life for His glory!  But we must surrender.  
Let me add that there are many defining moments in our lives.  Look for them!  Be unafraid enough to reach for them.  In fact search for them with eager anticipation!   They can be quite scary, but He's gotch-ya!  

Tomorrow is my 4th chemo treatment.  

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