Monday, January 3, 2011

Update 12/17/10

Today I went to the oncologist and now we have most of the pathology reports back. 
Here is the download:

I have cancer.  JK...we knew that.

It is stage....duh, duh, duh daaaa: 2!!!  Yes!  I am in stage 2!!  Praise God for that.
It is a category 3. (Very aggressive)  The cells are multiplying very fast. 
And, the MRI showed more spots in my breast.  So we have to do the mastectomy for sure. 
We are still waiting on the genetic testing and then we will know if both breasts are going as well as the ovaries.  In women with breast cancer at my age, if it is genetic then I have a 40% chance of also getting ovarian cancer.  I say that is to close to 100% now that I am walking with cancer in my body.
So, I go either Monday or Tuesday to have a port put in my neck, then have Christmas, and then the 28th I start chemotherapy.  We decided to wait until after Christmas so that I didn't have the side affects until after Cmas. 
So that means my friends that I will lose my hair.

Today was a harder day for me.  I have now known for three days and it finally really hit me today. 


I think the last couple of days it seemed like the girl I was with has cancer, but's actually me.  

(Pause. Deep breath. Now, moving on.)

You know it is okay to cry your eyes out.  It is okay to feel mad, and not understand.  I feel those.  I have to start looking for wigs, and I had to come home today and sit my kids down and begin to prepare them that the medicine is going to make mama's hair fall out.  And prepare them about the ugly thing that will be in her neck and the side affects. 
Today was hard. 

But, I woke up today.
I woke up knowing that this is going to last a short time in the big picture.  I walked through the day in tears still believing that if God has ordered my steps then I will be okay.  I am so honored to walk where He wants me too.  I am so honored to be His tool.  One friend said I would do this in my "Jen Way".  Well, I suppose there is a "Jen Way" and even with tears flowing down my cheeks, and the GRIEF that has encompassed me, I will look at this enemy and say, "YOU MESS WITH ME...THEN YOU HAVE MESSED WITH MY GOD!!!"  

Thank you so much friends for all your love. 
I had a vision last night.  I was standing in front of the enemy.  My arms were to my side and I was looking up at Jesus' face.  And behind me were the prayers of the saints (all of you) and the prayers looked like smoky shaped people.  They were in the shape of the people praying them.  And they were everywhere behind me!!!  And the enemy was trembling! 
Thank you friends!!!  Thanks for loving us and a praying for us. 
Quenton feels the prayers and the kids and I.  We all love you so much. 

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