Since chemo, I have been getting more energy back. Although, surgery didn't help, and with me getting ready for radiation, I have been taking advantage of the small energy upswing. I have been walking and riding bikes with my kids, everyday. Some days are better than others. It may be all I can do to get out and take a walk and short ride, but some days I surprise myself with how much I can do! I am excited to be getting some life back. The most wonderful thing about it is to be able to look over at my kids, peddling their bikes, with huge smiles looking back at me. We are all so excited to be out with each other. Before, my husband always took them while I stayed back, "fighting cancer". Now, we all go.
A couple of days ago, I had a visit with my plastic surgeon. He had put fluid into my chest, and it was supposed to cause some discomfort. It did, but I didn't want to miss our evening ride to the playground with the kids. I went, with a loving warning from a concerned husband. He didn't want me to over do it. I am very good at over doing it, so I had to promise that if I started hurting I would tell him.
Off we went.
I was pretty uncomfortable in my back, because the muscles were pulling from the procedure that day, but as we peddled along I began to forget it. By the time we got to the play ground it was just a faint reminder in the back of my mind that I was in pain. The whole time my husband kept asking, "Are you okay?" I would answer. Then he would say, "Don't over do it. Be careful. We can go back anytime."
After a while of watching the kids playing, I decided to get on a swing next to Seth, my 6 year old son. My husband got real worried and kept telling me to be careful. I started slowly swinging. Then I got going more and more, until finally I was really flying! All I could hear was the laughter of my little boy, trying to go higher than me, and the loud creaking of the swing. It was loud enough that I could barely hear my sweet husband voicing concern. It wasn't me rebelling against him, and he knew that. He was really trying to let me go, but worried at the same time.
As I got higher and higher, I began to get lost in the laughter, and the wind hitting my face. I saw ground then clouds, ground then clouds. I started feeling tears flowing down to the corners of the huge smile on my face.
The feeling of this freedom was overwhelming! I was swinging! Like a little girl! I was playing with my kids! I was LIVING! I mean really living! I was tasting the salt of my tears and laughing, as I saw my feet reach for the clouds! I began whispering, "Thank you. Thank you." It got louder. "Thank you! Thank you, Jesus!"
All of a sudden, Seth's voice broke through my euphoria, as he proclaimed loudly to one more attempt from my husband to get me to be careful. "It's okay, dad! Mama's fighting cancer!"
The biggest smile came across my sweet man's face, and as his tense shoulders relaxed, he said in surrender, "Yes. Yes, she is son."
Riding back to the house was quite satisfying. I am no longer laying in bed or on the couch, fighting cancer. I am no longer sitting in nausea on my bathroom floor, fighting cancer. I am no longer listening to my husband and children outside, laughing with out me, fighting cancer. No, I am LIVING, fighting cancer!
Guess who's winning.
Thank you, Lord!